Visit

WhenI first became pregnant, we obviously let the prospective grandparents know. My parents were concerned for my health but utterly thrilled, Matt's mum screamed with excitement, and then we called his father.

His dad said he was busy and would call us straight back when he'd finished doing what he was doing.

Fast forward three months, and he actually called. Vaguely asked how I was, then went on to ask Matt the favours he'd really called for - he needed advice on fixing his computer.

When the baby was born, I got texts and messages from my folks and Matt's mum (who sent a beautiful text message thanking me for working so hard to give her a gorgeous grandson). Nothing from Frank, though Matt did call to tell him the news - in tears, as he was a thrilled and overwhelmed, adorable new father. :-)

Matt's mum rushed up to visit when Cian was 3 weeks old, and helped me out. My parents, though they couldn't visit, arranged and paid for us to visit them (my father was dreadfully ill and couldn't travel), and I'm always receiving texts, cards, gifts and so on for the baby from them.

I sent Frank messages about Cian, photos, etc...no response.

Are we seeing a pattern here?

Don't get me wrong, he and his family sent a lovely package of clothes and a blanket for Cian, and I love those. But love and attention mean far more than material goods.

Anyhoo... Two days ago we got a call out of the blue, saying that Frank is passing through on the way back from seeing family further north in Scotland. So, could he pop in for a couple of hours and meet his grandson? Of course, we said yes. But I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Of COURSE I'd never stop him seeing his grandson. But I might have problems keeping my normal, sunny and welcoming demeanour with someone who seems so obviously disinterested in his first and only grandchild. It's thrown into further contrast by the doting adoration shown by Cian's other three grandparents - they all adore him, take a huge interest, and are very emotionally supportive of us as a family. They're even all visiting Edinburgh for his first birthday celebrations, which given that it's during the Festival is no small achievement in terms of organisation, will or money!

I just...I don't know. I guess I really can't understand the mindset of a man who's so interested in his "new" family (relatively speaking, he's been with his current wife for many years since breaking with Matt's mum!) that he seems so ambivalent about his firstborn son's baby boy. I feel especially irked because he's always made a big deal about "approving" of me and thinking I'm a great partner for his son. To be honest, though that's a nice thought it doesn't mean much to me, but being interested in my little boy DOES mean a lot to me.

Ahh well, let's see how it goes... My opinion is that he's the one who's losing out, not Cian. Cian's surrounded by such love and care, from so many people, that I reckon he's fairly well insulated against the disinterest of a single family member.